Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
