Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
