It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
