I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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