My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
