I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
