Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
