My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
