there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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