Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
