he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
