just come out here and I will go home with you...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i am craving dick and cupcakes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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