quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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