totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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