So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
