I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
