so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
