my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were trust falling into bushes
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