I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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