RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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