Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
