I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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