woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
