So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
