she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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