i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
