I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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