I got chris browned last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
