I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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