You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Terrible idea I love it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
