Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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