I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
