i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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