the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
