omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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