i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
