She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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