Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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