matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
whose parrot is this?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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