Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
