Having a random hookup so left but love u
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
