it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
