I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
