At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
