pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
