I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So. Much. Porn.
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