You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
