how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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