you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
