I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
