bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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