I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
