i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
