WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
