I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
