garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
