After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
