I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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