I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just high enough for therapy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
