Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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