piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
