somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
