And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
